My journey begins........again

This is my first entry. I have created this blog in order to help me stay on track with my weight loss and be accountable to all those who may read this!
I am a 44 year old mother with nine children. I use those beautiful nine (yes nine!) children as an excuse as to why I am the weight that I am today. It really isn't an excuse because unlike the mental image that many people have of what a women with so many children would look like, I am the fattest out of all the other 'large family mothers' that I know. My dear friend, Sally, has seven children and she is so tiny that it is hard to imagine her having had any babies!!
I currently weigh 93 kg. Last week I weighed in at 94kg, the very heaviest I have ever been in my life. I keep looking at the scales and the dreaded number "100" is not that far away. 100kg has always been the weight that I fear getting to. Probably because I have always been so close to it!
Two year ago, after the birth of my ninth baby, I had a 'nervous breakdown'. Basically that means that I hit sudden and severe depression. I went on to medication and since that time I have gained 14 kg. I wasn't slim before but now 80kg sounds very appealing. I really don't know why the weight gain occured. It could be connected to the medication as a lot of people report the same story. It could, however, be due to the 'lethargy' that medication prouduces and an increased appetite. It gets me down, it really does.
I have been a yo yo dieter for years. But in looking back I have never really succeeded with any diet. Basically I just kept getting bigger and bigger. I joined Weight Watchers online in September. At the time I weighed 91 kg. I did really well and in five weeks went down to 87kg. Then I got bored, sick and tired of tracking so I stopped! I went back to 'normal eating' and gained the weight back on again. Six weeks ago I started a low carb diet based on Atkins/and other similar programs. I am sad to say that after six weeks I gained 3kg!! That really shook me up and so I went back to Weight Watchers online one week ago.
I have had a bad start back. For the first two days I was really good and I could see the scales go down even though I was eating more food. But on day three I fell in a pit. I woke up feeling flat and allowed my feelings to dictate what I ate. I devoured a whole plate of calamari and a bottle of wine for a 'snack' in the evening. Gosh, more points than a whole days worth of food!! The next day I did slightly better but yesterday was another bad day where I kept picking at the kids chocolate and sipping glasses of coke. In the evening I had more wine and today my weight is still down but probably not as much as it could have been. I am so mad at myself for not being stronger when it comes to food and wine.
Anyway, before this post becomes longer than the epic "love and war" I will finish and continue as I progress on this journey!